So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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