Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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