dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Congratulations! We have a period
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
