i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
