Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
