1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
