Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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