U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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