you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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