Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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