If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
