Pants 0. Shit 1.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
