sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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