just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm just crazy horny about you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
