I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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