sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
