return my video game
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
