By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
