I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
