i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
