I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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