Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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