I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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