New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
