My hand turned me down
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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