Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
