real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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