It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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