WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
