Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
