Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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