Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My cat gives me a boner
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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