Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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