The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
