he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
