Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she told me i tasted like america
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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