when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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