I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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