I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
