omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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