why didn't you poke me back
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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