I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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