Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I lost the right to judge tonight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize