The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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