Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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