I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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