drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
