if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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