I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
