This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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