I heard we made out
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
