Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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