Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said her name was "party"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
