btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
