she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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