I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is Oprah even human
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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