She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
