Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
