So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
