it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
