I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
