Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
