My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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