I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
