I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm just crazy horny about you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
