This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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