I'm going to jail i love you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have started to decorate penises.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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