hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
