I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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