Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
