i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
