In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
