Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is my gift to your gina
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
