She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
