Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
